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| omg I haven't been on in so long, I didn't think I would be back, I thought that I was over this. Over the past two years I have been eating when stressed mostly. I am about 145lbs, and it's crazy to see that that's about 20lbs bigger than my last post. I have started back on the right track though eating better and exercising, but today my landlords stressed me out and I ordered a pizza. I want to get back down to where I was. At 130, 125 I look good in everything. At this larger size sometimes I look good sometimes I don't, and some of my pants are bursting at the seam and I refuse to buy larger sizes, I am going to fit back into my clothes.
Does anyone follow professional ballroom dance? Yulia is my fav and she has a perfect dancer's figure.
I want to buy a Catherine Malandrino dress, I love her clothes.
ps. he was in my dream last night;)
hope this post finds you all well. smooches
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| I am not going to apologize for never being on because I now realize that I won't be able to change that, graduate school and other concerns keep me busy, but I never forget about you guys and I do miss you, today I read this article about this lady from georgia who went from 300lbs to 120lbs and she mentioned that one way to help is a support group and I know I have been neglecting my support group, so I thought to check in
Although I have not been on I have not forgotten about weight loss, I am currently at about 125lbs:) better than before but not good enough, I still want to get down to 115 or 110, I am trying to be careful also to try and eat normally, I don't want to starve and binge because then I feel like I won't be able to keep it off, so I am eating usually twice a day and averaging about 1400cals or less, when I am with my parents I can't help but eat 2000cals but when I'm on my own eating 1400cals is no big deal, even less is easier, I often eat less than that without being hungry, and I am exercising too, not enough but I am staying active without overdoing it
I have a crush, he is a nerd hehe and is losing his hair hehe, but I think he is cute and he seems really sweet, he asked me out to lunch twice but he didn't pay or call me pretty or confess his love hehehe, so I can't tell if he is just being friendly or if he is attracted to me, and last night he came to this play with my friends and I and it ended kinda late and he was going to walk all the way home, he came that late even though he thought he might walk home, and he really got along with my friends:) I tried to look so pretty that he wouldn't be able to not tell me how gorgeous he thought I was but he didn't hehe, my girlfriend did
love you girls
 
I know this sounds nerdy but she is like fine wine, just gets better with age hehehe
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| I am being so selfish about my entries, I am so sorry about never getting back to anyone, a part of me feels that not getting back to people will help me try not to think about this part of my life, but I feel the need to vent further
graduate school is not going well, one of my professors is a bitch and there is just too much work for me, I am behind months and have a presentation this Friday that I am not prepared to give, I feel like no matter how much I read I am never finished, I can't read all day everyday, I get burnt out, if I read for hours straight I want to take the next couple of days off, it has been impossible to stay on top of things and one professor is really getting on my nerves, plus, it seems like a lot of the other students are racist, I am sick of getting dirty looks and fake smiles
I have been eating normally/ too much, I can't just stop because of my lack of discipline in all areas of life and because I bike so much, but I don't want to stop eating, I just want to be at peace
on a lighter note, I have made amazing friends here that make me really happy, but I feel that the time that I spend getting closer to them puts me behind in school, it's infuriating, everyone seems to have someone that they are close to and I can't survive without good friends and I have made so many here that I want to stay close to
I don't know what to do, I am trying to read a lot more but like I mentioned before, it's never enough, I am never able to make comments in class, whether or not I have read the assigned passage, if I can make it to next semester things will get better
I have seriously considered quiting, I have also seriously considered not eating, having casual sex, all kinds of destructive things, I feel like if I can make it out of grad school seemingly healthy and happy I will make my family and friends so proud, but can I really make it out that way
right now I am so tired I just want to fall asleep but I can't because I have so much work to do, there is a conference tomorrow that I am not going to attend and my profes will be pissed because one cancelled class for us to be able to go, but I have so much motherfuc$in% work and it is during a time that I am able to work well, if anyone reads this, should I go?
I don't even want to stop eating to look cute, of course I want to look cute, but now I just want to stop to help with my frustration
 
these are my new girls, I absolutely love this show
ps. my expensive, fancy scale is broken, argh!!!
pss. OMG I AM WRITING THIS IN BOLD IN THE HOPES THAT IT WILL BE READ, ME AND THREE OF MY FAVORITE GIRLS ON HERE HAVE EACH BEEN M.I.A. SINCE THE SUMMER AND WE EACH CAME BACK EITHER TODAY OR AROUND THESE DAYS, WE ARE TOTALLY XANGA SOUL SISTERS
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| hey girls, I miss you guys, I have begun graduate school, moved to a
new town, started classes, hence my absence in this period, I am really
liking my new town, house, and school, but the town more than anything,
I haven't been doing my work like I should, that year that I took off
made me forget how to do homework hehe, I have been meeting some cool
people and having a nice time, and I have a new puppy!!! I think I
mentioned that I had to give the other dog away because I didn't know
how to deal with his aggression, but my new puppy is so good, he had
issues as well but he listens to me so it works out well,
he looks like a chinaman hehe, this pic is before his haircut but I like it, he rides in my bike with me sometimes:)
here's Jazleen, I saw her in the mall in Chicago, she is so pretty and
so skinny in real life, he is my cousin's friend, I didn't want to take
a picture with her because I felt bad to hold her up, she wasn't that
tall but so was soooooooo skinny, but somehow she looked healthy
I have started my new diet from my gym and haven't really noticed a
change in my figure so far but it's still in the early stages, I have
been eating that healthy food and riding my bike and walking just about
everyday, I told a friend that I want to lose 25lbs and she said the
same, it's like the only mental difference between girls with eating
problems is that girls with problems get really sick and almost die, on
bridezillas a girl ordered her wedding dress two sizes too small, it
seems like all brides do that, I haven't been shopping in so long I
don't even know my size, I hope that I'm still a size 6, if I ordered
my dress two sizes too small it would be a size 2, runway size, my
bridesmaid dress is a size 4 so I'm not that far, but I can feel my
tummy protruding, here there are so many girls that are so thin and fit
and skinny, even one of my professors looks like a size 2 or 4 and she
has two kids and talks about food all the time, it's like everyone is
covering up, people who never talk about food are fat, they say that
they barely eat and don't know where the weight comes from, and skinny
people say that they love to eat but they can't and be that thin
anyways, right now I am 5'6" and about 140lbs., not bad, not good, I
want to weigh 118 because that is the lowest that I can weigh and still
be within the healthy range, I'm very young so I should weigh much
less, especially because we just gain more and more with age, I want to
lose this weight tomorrow, but before Christmas
do you guys think that it's a good idea??? do you think that I
can do it by Christmas??? my meal plan has me eating 1200cals a day
which I think is good, that girl on weight watchers is eating that
much, and I sometimes go over so that helps my metabolism, and I eat
almost 6 times a day so I'm not hungry, I am really anxious about
losing weight, I want to do it healthily though, last time I lost
weight by not eating too much I gained 10lbs back, thank God not all of
it but too much of it, so I want to healthily lose the last 25lbs
making it a total loss of 35lbs (almost 40lbs!!!!)
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| hey girls, I miss you guys, I have begun graduate school, moved to a
new town, started classes, hence my absence in this period, I am really
liking my new town, house, and school, but the town more than anything,
I haven't been doing my work like I should, that year that I took off
made me forget how to do homework hehe, I have been meeting some cool
people and having a nice time, and I have a new puppy!!! I think I
mentioned that I had to give the other dog away because I didn't know
how to deal with his aggression, but my new puppy is so good, he had
issues as well but he listens to me so it works out well,
he looks like a chinaman hehe, this pic is before his haircut but I like it, he rides in my bike with me sometimes:)
here's Jazleen, I saw her in the mall in Chicago, she is so pretty and
so skinny in real life, he is my cousin's friend, I didn't want to take
a picture with her because I felt bad to hold her up, she wasn't that
tall but so was soooooooo skinny, but somehow she looked healthy
I have started my new diet from my gym and haven't really noticed a
change in my figure so far but it's still in the early stages, I have
been eating that healthy food and riding my bike and walking just about
everyday, I told a friend that I want to lose 25lbs and she said the
same, it's like the only mental difference between girls with eating
problems is that girls with problems get really sick and almost die, on
bridezillas a girl ordered her wedding dress two sizes too small, it
seems like all brides do that, I haven't been shopping in so long I
don't even know my size, I hope that I'm still a size 6, if I ordered
my dress two sizes too small it would be a size 2, runway size, my
bridesmaid dress is a size 4 so I'm not that far, but I can feel my
tummy protruding, here there are so many girls that are so thin and fit
and skinny, even one of my professors looks like a size 2 or 4 and she
has two kids and talks about food all the time, it's like everyone is
covering up, people who never talk about food are fat, they say that
they barely eat and don't know where the weight comes from, and skinny
people say that they love to eat but they can't and be that thin
anyways, right now I am 5'6" and about 140lbs., not bad, not good, I
want to weigh 118 because that is the lowest that I can weigh and still
be within the healthy range, I'm very young so I should weigh much
less, especially because we just gain more and more with age, I want to
lose this weight tomorrow, but before Christmas
do you guys think that it's a good idea??? do you think that I
can do it by Christmas??? my meal plan has me eating 1200cals a day
which I think is good, that girl on weight watchers is eating that
much, and I sometimes go over so that helps my metabolism, and I eat
almost 6 times a day so I'm not hungry, I am really anxious about
losing weight, I want to do it healthily though, last time I lost
weight by not eating too much I gained 10lbs back, thank God not all of
it but too much of it, so I want to healthily lose the last 25lbs
making it a total loss of 35lbs (almost 40lbs!!!!)
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